Fifty Percent Elsewhere

Day 9: compress

2010-03-15T23:11:49Z

Day 9: compress

(I fell off the wagon yesterday, but then, I did write an essay for my OU course.)

Warning: Bad Sex. Dub-con.

When it’s over he flops down on top of me, the lumpen weight of him like a couple of sacks of potatoes. Neither of us says anything.

I turn my face to the wall and wonder how long it’ll take for him to fall asleep. Not long, on past experience. Sure enough, a few minutes later he’s snoring in my ear.

I squirm a bit, not enough to wake him, but sufficient to make him uncomfortable, and he finally rolls off me onto his side of the bed.

I slide out of bed, shivering as the chilly night air hits my damp skin. I grab my jeans and a jumper and creep out onto the landing without turning on the lights.

In the bathroom I wash him off me as best I can and pull on my clothes. In the unforgiving neon strip-light I lean on the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. At the dark smudges under my eyes. At the pinched lines around my mouth. At the woman I barely recognise.

How the hell did it come to this?

~183 words~

Day 8: liking

2010-03-13T22:50:17Z

Day 8: liking

It was easy to admit to liking.

Liking was safe. Liking was socially acceptable.

Liking was a night out at the pub; Saturday afternoon at a football game.

Liking was talking about cars.

And girls.

And never about the things that mattered.

But wanting, needing ... loving. That was risky.

Even dangerous.

Loving meant revealing himself.

Trusting.

Maybe enduring insults. Or getting punched in the face. Or worse.

Perhaps losing his family; his home. His friends.

The one friend he loved.

Liked.

Safer to just ... enjoy liking.

Safer not to talk. Not to drink.

(Just in case.)

Safer to stay hidden.

~102 words~

Day 7: impromptu

2010-03-12T22:38:20Z

Day 7: impromptu

(Donald Strachey; Donald/Timmy; G)

Summary: How did their Tuesday night movie tradition get started?

So what if it was Tuesday night?

Sure, it wasn’t a traditional date night, but who said dates had to be on weekends? Besides, Don couldn’t remember the last weekend that neither he nor Timmy had been working.

But with a bit of imagination they could make their very own weekend right here on a Tuesday night. He’d picked up a bottle of wine and a copy of Priscilla on the way home. He’d called Timmy earlier and told him to bring home his choice of takeout for both of them. He even had a pint of Häagen-Dazs in the freezer, should Timmy feel in the mood.

Everything was perfect for a little impromptu evening in together.

Timmy’s key scraped in the lock, and Don met him at the door with a glass of wine.

Tim’s smile was all the reward he needed.

~143 words~

Day 6: acting

2010-03-11T23:30:09Z

Day 6: acting

(ST:ENT, Reed, G)

Acting Captain

Coming from a military family I’ve always had a healthy appreciation for the chain of command. Captain Archer’s grasp of it however seems tenuous at best.

As fourth in command of Enterprise I knew I might be called upon to take command of the ship every now and then. I never expected it to be quite so often. I’m truly amazed at the number of times the Captain not only leaves the ship, but feels the need to take both Subcommander T’Pol and Commander Tucker along with him. Is it really necessary for our three most senior officers to go in every away mission?

On the other hand, there is a part of me that relishes the opportunity to sit in the captain’s chair. I’m confident I’ll have my own command one day. All the sooner if Captain Archer insists on giving me this much practice ...

~147 words~

Day 5: oars

2010-03-10T17:54:15Z

Day 5: oars

We rowed for what felt like days. They’d cast us adrift from our pirate ship, without food or water, miles from land. Again and again the swell of the ocean caught us like a giant hand, lifted us high and tossed us down with a stomach-turning lurch. The wind-driven spray lashed our faces and stung our eyes. Our hands cracked and chaffed form the rowing, and we ripped our shirts to bind them against splinters. Our arms and backs and shoulders ached from fatigue, but we rowed on as the sun sank lower until it sat like a great orange balloon on the horizon, never pausing, hoping that by sheer dumb luck we’d strike land …

… or we would have, if Mum hadn’t made us come in for tea.

~130 words~

Day 4: motion

2010-03-09T23:19:57Z

Day 4: motion

The slight swell rocked him gently, rolling him back and forth, back and forth against cocooning canvas hammock. The deck creaked softly under him, like an old man’s sigh, and gentle waves lapped against the hull.

He could get used to this. The motion of the boat was relaxing, almost hypnotic, his body limp and his mind freewheeling, not asleep and yet not fully awake. The sun warmed his skin, eased and soothed his tired muscles, shone bright blue behind his eyelids. A seagull cried somewhere in the distance, high and clear, the sound carried to him on the clean, salty breeze.

~102 words~

Writer's Block: Don't tease me bro!

2010-03-08T16:58:09Z

Do you think good-natured teasing often goes too far? Have you ever gotten seriously offended by a joke that crossed the line? Have you been informed that your own teasing hurt someone else's feelings?

Submitted By offlicute

View 758 Answers

There's a name for teasing - however 'good-natured' on the part of the perpetrator - that goes too far. It's called bullying.

Teasing by its very nature is about making fun of people for their 'differences', and I think the key to whether it stays good-natured or not is to realise that some people's differences are actually a source of real discrimination and pain. When that's the case you have to be incredibly careful about teasing them on that subject.

There are certain things you could tease me about, and I'd laugh along with you, because I'm actually rather proud of them - for example being a Star Trek fan or a maths geek.

But there are other differences you simply can't tease me about - my limp, for example - because they're already a source of stress and frustration. I can remember one so-called friend, when I was struggling to keep up with her - just as I've struggled to keep up with most people for most of my life - turning to me with a big smile and saying 'hurry up, hop-along'. Not at all funny from my point of view.

There's also a huge difference between in-group teasing and out-group teasing.* A group of disabled people might tease each other about their disabilities with impunity, because they're all in a similar situation. But when someone able-bodied does it, the power dynamic is completely different. They're not part of the in-group and usually have little understanding of the issues, so their teasing becomes offensive.

*Teasing about my Scottish accent also falls into this category. It's okay if other Scots do it; not so much if it's English people.

Day 3: through

2010-03-08T14:36:16Z

Day 3: through

Today is a semi-autobiographical drabble; a slice of life.

Oh, god. That hurts.

Seriously that fucking hurts.

Breathe. In, out. In, out.

That’s it. Breathe through it.

“Won’t be long now. Try to think of something nice – what are you doing for your holidays?”

What the fuck? You’re sticking a needle in my hip, you bastard, not cutting my hair.

Never mind. Can’t answer anyway. Still breathing.

Fedcon. Star Trek. The slash-gang.

Actually, that does help a bit.

“Okay, all done. You can sit up now.”

No, I can’t.

Give me a minute.

And a drink of water wouldn’t go amiss either.

God, I hope that was worth it.

~100 words~

Day 2: tunnelling

2010-03-07T20:10:10Z

Day 2: tunnelling

Summary: A brief snippet from ‘The Breach’.

(ST:ENT, Tucker/Reed, PG)

“If you don’t start moving in the next five seconds, I’m gonna take my phase pistol and shoot you in the ass!”

In spite of our situation – belly-crawling through a manky lava tube while someone on the surface took pot-shots at us – I barely suppressed a giggle. Trip in command is a sight to behold, especially when he’s cranky. And filthy. And sweaty. I love the set he gets to his jaw; the way his eyes narrow and his gaze turns from sunny to steely in an instant.

I’d have loved to see his expression when he said that.

Of course, I didn’t mind looking at his arse either.

~109 words~

Day 1: lesser

2010-03-06T22:54:52Z

Day 1: lesser

Summary: After ten years on the Enterprise, Travis Mayweather ponders his lack of promotion.

(ST:ENT; Mayweather; G)

There are times when I wonder if it’s because I’m just a pilot. I mean, there aren’t a lot of opportunities to distinguish myself just sitting there on the bridge, flying the ship.

Hoshi’s language skills mean she gets to go on all sorts of diplomatic missions. She’s the captain’s voice – the voice of all humanity, really – the first to make contact with any new species. That sort of thing really gets you noticed. And then there’s Malcolm, plotting tactics and designing weapons and leading rescue missions. All of which puts his name front and centre in the mission reports. Sometimes I even wish I was an engineer, when I see the way Trip’s developed ... well, all of our systems, really ... way beyond their original specs.

Me? Well, once in a while I get to act as a liaison between Starfleet and the Boomer community, but that’s about it. Mostly I just fly the ship. Through ion storms and nebulae and whatever else the galaxy throws at us. But I guess it feels like whenever there’s some fancy flying to be done, the captain takes over.

And then there are times when I wonder if it’s because I’m a Boomer.

I think people forget sometimes that not all humans come from Earth. Part of me itches to remind the captain of that every time he launches into his ‘we’re humans, from the planet Earth’ introductory speech. And ... I don’t think people on Earth really understand Boomers. They don’t get that we’re a separate culture, that our ships are more like tiny villages, isolated by distance and circumstances from the teeming hordes of Earth. Sometimes I think we have more in common with the alien traders we meet than with other humans.

Maybe having grown up in such a close-knit, co-operative society, I really don’t have that drive, that ambition, that willingness to climb over other people to get to the top.

And sometimes, in my deepest, darkest days, I wonder if it’s because of the colour of my skin. We’re supposed to live in a post-racial society, that in the rebuilding after WWIII everyone somehow became colour-blind. But ... I know my history. I know there was a time when people who looked like me were ... well, not regarded as people at all. Is there, somewhere in the Starfleet hierarchy, someone who still thinks that way? Someone who sees me as ... lesser?

~407 words~

Ye gods that was hard going. I hope it gets easier tomorrow.

writing ... or lack thereof

2010-03-06T00:11:54Z

I've just looked back through my journal and realised I haven't written anything (as in fiction) since July 2009. More than seven months without a word of output. It's not for lack of ideas. I have several stories outlined, plotted and researched. But when it comes to actually writing, there's no flow. My prose is turgid. Leaden. I used to write with a character sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, but now the characters aren't speaking to me.

I don't know if it's a coincidence that my last decent piece of writing was shortly after the end of my OU course in creative writing. I was really disillusioned by the end of that. I hated writing to a deadline, in a prescribed manner, and on a subject chosen by someone else. And I definitely don't ever want to try and sell my writing.

But I do want to write again. I have stories that need to be told. And I know I CAN write. I looked back over some of the pieces I wrote early last year, and some of them are pretty good, if I do say so myself. I think what I need is practice - to exercise that muscle again.

I therefore announce the return of ... 100 words for 100 days. I hereby undertake to write at least 100 words of fiction each day for 100 days in response to a one-word prompt. Some pieces will be original, and some will undoubtedly be fanfic (Strachey or Enterprise). I've made a new table of prompts (below) in case anyone wants to join me.

lesser	tunnelling	through	motion	oars
acting	impromptu	liking	compress	amid
board	eureka	historical	suspiciously	blowup
truck	amidst	deciding	beauty	pugilistic
wonderfully	crone	contribute	inside	energising
damn	unbolted	personally	dexterity	editorialised
touching	rematch	thanks	reincarnate	hardily
steamroller	equivocate	next	disgraced	abracadabra
industrious	censoriously	demolishing	luxuriate	beneath
glare	unquote	outer	supremely	waiting
nod	against	brontosaurus	apart	root
worshipped	drunk	motivational	why	secure
astonishing	closing	sculpt	pace	hoped
horrors	buck	pinged	coexistence	especially
astride	condense	obscure	chiefly	away
trefoil	deeply	goddamn	chauffeur	save
oversensitive	blast	fundamental	twirl	lamp
emphasising	concerning	wild	silently	circulating
snuffle	porridge	average	yap	butter
hilarious	sinwey	quick	fore	tail

First piece tomorrow!

disabled girl - too disturbing for TV?

2010-03-04T17:38:44Z

This morning on the Today programme John Simpson reported on the increase in children born with congenital abnormalities in Fallujah, following the battles there between US forces and Sunni insurgents five years ago - the conjecture being that the abnormalities are being caused by the residue of American weapons, possibly white phosphorus and/or depleted uranium.

After the treating us to usual litany of missing limbs and extra fingers and 'a picture of an infant with three heads', Simpson then told us he'd seen "another girl with a spinal condition so bad I asked my cameraman not to film her."

Wait ... what? Why?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not unsympathetic to these children. I have congenital abnormalities of my own (I prefer not to use the term 'birth defects' that Simpson used in the article). And the last thing I want is for any of them to be displayed on TV like something from a freak-show. However given the tone of the rest of the article I don't think that was Simpson's concern. Nor was it the little girl herself or her parents saying she shouldn't appear. This was Simpson himself making the judgement that this little girl was too deformed, too disgusting to be shown on TV.

And that, I do have a problem with. Because this little girl is a person. She has to live in the world. I hope she has people around her who will love her for who she is and help her fulfil her potential. I hope they don't hide her away or teach her to be ashamed of her body.

But what Simpson did was look at her as an object - as simply a twisted spine - and judged her too disturbing for us to see.

not disabled enough =/= faking

2010-02-27T19:00:16Z

I’ve been turned down for a blue badge. Again. It’s not a huge surprise, and I only applied to underline the point (for my supervisor at work, who is particularly thick about disability matters) that I would be turned down.

You see, I am disabled, but I’m not disabled enough. I’ve had forty years of practice at working around my disabilities, and because of this I can do a lot of stuff. But the flip side of that is my disabilities aren’t judged to be ‘severe’ enough to qualify for any assistance – not for a blue badge, not for disability living/working allowance or any of the other state benefits.

Which in my supervisor’s book means I’m not officially disabled. My telling him I’m disabled, that I have pain in my legs and that I can’t walk or stand for long periods, is not enough. He needs to hear it from someone else; needs to be told I’ve been examined and measured and passed some objective ‘standard’ of disability.

And if I haven’t, I can’t really be disabled, can I?

Writer's Block: Superbowl madness or sadness?

2010-02-07T19:15:14Z

If you're in the U.S., will you watch all or part of the Superbowl? Do you have a favorite team? If you're not American, what do you think about Superbowl Sunday?

View 830 Answers

What is this Superbowl of which you speak? Is it a sporting event of some kind?

To be honest, I'm not even sure if the Superbowl is about baseball (AKA rounders) or that other game that bears no resemblance to what the rest of the world calls football. I could google it, but I'm not that interested.

I did however enjoy watching the six nations rugby. Even if Scotland did get banjaxed by France.

suryaofvulcan @ 2010-01-04T17:47:00

2010-01-04T17:47:19Z

Happy Birthday lt_black_fire - hope it's a good one and your knee doesn't hurt too much.

Doctor Who: The End of Time

2010-01-02T00:12:26Z

My thoughts ...

David Tennant = awesome (but then I thought that before he played the Doctor)

Bernard Cribbins = awesome (how great to see an older, male companion for a change)

John Simm = super-awesome

Didn't really understand the bit about the time war and Galifrey coming back. I'm going to have to watch it again and pay more attention to the plot.

Timothy Dalton = meh (not much for him to do, really)

Epilogue = shite

The Doctor zipping back and forth through time like some kind of romance-fairy was bad enough, but the fate of the companions - especially the women - was like some kind of post-feminist nightmare. The only way you can be happy is if you're paired up with someone? Really?

[yes, I know Rose wasn't technically paired up at the end of this episode, but we've already seen the outcome of her timeline - locked away in an alternate universe with her very own Doctor-clone.]

i haz a cold

2009-12-26T12:20:48Z

Wherever you are, however you celebrate (or not) ...

2009-12-25T11:42:51Z

Merry Christmas

BLOODY COLD

2009-12-22T20:12:59Z

Unlike most of the country, we haven't had any snow yet here in the South West, but it's bloody cold. Yesterday we had freezing rain, and for the last 4 days the ground temperature hasn't risen above freezing, so the pavements and pedestrian walkways have been like a skating rink (because modern gritters are so efficient that they grit the roads really well, but don't overspill onto the pavements AT ALL). I've had to keep the heating on all day and all night, and I'm not going out unless I really have to.

Normally I walk to the office even in winter, but currently the safest way for me to get to work (without falling - which with my legs in their current condition would be a disaster) is to skitter gently across the paved area out front, get the car out of the garage and drive the half mile to the office. I've never been so glad of the underground car park - normally I avoid it like the plague because it's dank and dismal, but on days like these it's snug and warm and dry and means I don't have to slither down an untreated tarmac walkway from the above-ground car park into the building.

But the office is bloody cold too. We have a great big open-plan space in a draughty old building, and my desk is closest to the door so any time someone goes in or out I get blasted with cold air from the stairwell. Being cold makes my joints hurt more and yesterday I ended up wearing my hat, coat and scarf indoors for most of the day. I still ended up numb from the knees down, so today I took in an extra fleece and a hot water bottle for my feet, and created my own little cocoon of WARM.

Writer's Block: Euthanasia, Humanism and Disability

2009-12-19T18:11:03Z

If a loved one got diagnosed with a painful, terminal illness and asked you to help them terminate their life before they deteriorated, would you do it? If so, would you want to be present during their last moments?

Submitted By nadiabirdgirl

View 387 Answers

I've been working on this one for a few days now.

Humanism, Disability and Euthanasia

While I think everyone has a right to choose what they do with their own body and how they manage their own health, up to and including committing suicide, I would not and will not help them do it. I think it's a dreadful thing to ask someone to do, to ask them to live with for the rest of their lives. Imagine how they'd feel as years went by, and more effective treatments were discovered – perhaps even one that made the illness their loved one had suffered from chronic rather than terminal. Are you really going to ask someone to live with that?

I had this conversation with my mother once, in relation to her mother. She said if her condition ever got as bad as my gran's was at the time, I should 'just give her a pill'. I told her I wouldn't. I said if she had a degenerative or terminal illness she'd better draw up a living will detailing what treatment she would want and when it should be terminated. If she wanted to refuse treatment or even food and water I'd support her, but the decision was hers, not mine, and I wouldn't take it for her.

Perhaps my position is surprising because it isn't born out of any form of religious or ‘moral’ conviction. But this issue is where my atheism intersects with my feelings about chronic illness and disability. In fact this is the one issue that prevents me joining the British Humanist Society. Although I'm an atheist/humanist and I agree with them on most issues, they're vocally supportive of assisted dying, and I can't quite bring myself to support an organisation that campaigns so strongly for something I'm completely opposed to.

This question and the assumptions behind it illustrate nicely why I’m opposed to any step towards legalising euthanasia.

If a loved one was diagnosed with a painful terminal illness and asked you to help them terminate their life before they deteriorated ...

I have a problem with the assumption that someone diagnosed with a terminal illness might as well be dead already. I'm sure being diagnosed must be devastating, and the anger and grief at (potentially) lost years is a real and valid emotion (because all emotions are valid). I'm sure there's also a very natural fear of what's to come – the symptoms of the disease and treatment that might prolong but ultimately won't save one's life. But those are short-term reactions. In the medium term, some people find the ‘ticking clock’ inspiring. Some don’t, and that’s OK too. There’s no ‘correct’ way to respond to something like that, but most people do go on with their lives. A death sentence isn’t a death sentence until you’re dead.

I’m not criticising people who refuse treatment – that’s part of the autonomy I mentioned above. Some treatments are brutal, and it’s up to each individual to decide how they want to proceed. As a child I was treated for a potentially life-threatening condition which I’ve recently learned can recur in adulthood. I still carry the physical and psychological scars from that treatment. If the condition does recur I’m inclined to say I don’t want to go through that treatment again.

I have a problem with the assumption that being in continual pain is the worst thing that could possibly happen to someone – that we should just ‘put people out of their misery’ rather than ensuring their pain is properly managed so that they can live full and productive lives for the remaining time they have.

A lot of people can't imagine what it's like to be in continual pain. (I prefer the word 'continual' to 'constant', because 'constant' implies that the amount of pain is always the same, whereas in reality while the pain is always there, the level can vary quite a bit.) Most people think about a time they've been in pain – maybe from a broken bone or toothache or tonsilitis - and try to imagine having that all the time. And they think it's going to be unbearable.

But chronic pain isn't like that. There are always (relatively) 'good days'. The good days are worth living for. Effective pain management – not just drugs, but the right assistance and technology – is all about maximising the number of good days. I don’t deny that the pain of a terminal illness might eventually get so bad – so unmanageable – that the person would rather die than endure another day, but to end one’s life before that happens – simply because you fear that pain – would be a terrible waste.

Finally, I have a problem with the assumption – inherent in the ‘before they deteriorated’ portion of the original question – that once someone becomes disabled their life is effectively over – essentially, that it’s better to be dead than disabled. That once a person’s body (or mind) is no longer whole and functioning and perfect, their life has little or no value and might as well not continue.

Able-bodied (and neurotypical) people often make incorrect assumptions about the ‘quality of life’ disabled people enjoy. Often all they see are the limitations. They focus on the things a disabled person CAN’T (or worse, can no longer) do, rather than the things they CAN still enjoy, possibly with some assistance. How often have we heard it – “It’s so sad, he can’t even feed himself/move anything below his shoulders/read a newspaper any more. I wouldn’t be able to live like that.” The thing is, all these ableist assumptions are likely to come into play when a currently able-bodied person learns they’re going to become disabled. And their fear of disability may be so great that they want to end their life before that happens.

So instead of helping your loved-one commit suicide, how about helping them manage their pain? How about helping them feel comfortable and satisfied in their final days? How about helping them continue to live their life with dignity?

Writer's Block: Go it alone

2009-12-19T11:37:26Z

Do you think society puts too much pressure on people to be in relationships and/or have children? Do you think this ostracizes people who would be perfectly content to remain single and/or child-free? Is this pressure worse around the holidays?

View 1435 Answers

I can't put it better than jocelyncs, who said (via sparkindarkness):

Absolutely, especially women. As a consciously-perpetual single and childfree, I run into this a lot - and much of the pressure, I note, comes FROM women. I've been told it's "unnatural to not want to love" (disregarding the love that I feel for friends, family, etc as "that doesn't count") that I have issues, and the good ol' "having a husband ... See Moreand children is part of God's plan"!

The pressure can be conscious - such as those examples - and even unconscious - note how delighted friends and relatives and even strangers become when a person announces a pregnancy or engagement. It's hard to escape even when, like me, you've consciously divorced yourself from what you "ought to do" and decided to do "what makes me happy."

I think for me also there's a sense of being regarded as 'not quite grown up' because I haven't been through the two traditional female rites of passage - marriage and pregnancy/childbirth.

For anyone who's about to protest that marriage is a significant milestone for both parties, I'd argue it's significantly moreso for women. For one thing the wedding itself - the planning, the preparations and the event itself - is focussed almost exclusively on the bride. The groom barely gets a look-in. And for another in most cases even in the 21st century a woman's name - her very identity - changes the moment she gets married. Most married women still choose to be addressed as MRS [husband's nast name]. And in doing so she's immediately signposting that she's an adult, a married woman. By contrast someone who is a MISS is usually assumed to be a child or young woman. Those of us who are still MISS beyond our 25th birthday are regarded as aberrant, even suspect - caricatured as sour, bitter, sad old maids who 'never found the right man', or at best lovely maiden aunts who are only too happy to lavish attention on other people's children because ::pitying voice:: they never had any of their own.

This is one of the reasons I always give my name as MS suryaofvulcan (although I'm still regularly addressed as 'Mrs' even when someone's reading my name off a form I've filled in). In most cases when I give my name - especially in a work context - my marital status is completely irrelevant, yet women are still expected to display their marital status as part of their name.

Meme time - 20 Questions

2009-12-18T21:15:39Z

1. Elaborate on your default icon.

That’s me when I was five, on a motorcycle. I’ve changed my default icon a few times. I started out with Connor, but then my LJ became more about general slash than fandom slash, so I changed it to this (NSFW, from a pretty pic posted by reedfem), but now my journal’s more about life in general, so I chose a pic of me.

2. What's your current relationship status

Happily single.

3. Ever have a near-death experience?

Have I been near death? Yes.

Did I have any visions or other experiences during that time? No. I was just very cold and very sick.

4. Name an obvious quality you have.

A Scottish accent.

5. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?

“Go compaaaare!”

6. Name a celebrity you would marry:

Marry? Marry?

There are celebrities – actors – it’d be cool to be friends with, and even one or two I’d like to lick whipped cream off. [Insert Connor fantasy here.] But marry? Definitely not.

7. Who will cut and paste this first?

I don’t care.

8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?

Someone once told me I looked like Demi Moore, but he was trying to talk me into doing a photo-shoot at the time. When I was very small someone told my Mum I looked like “a wee Madonna”. No, not that Madonna. This Madonna.

9. Do you wear a watch? What kind?

Yes. Currently I wear a very plain stainless steel watch I got when I was in New York earlier this year.

10. Do you have anything pierced?

Just my ears. And to be honest I don’t even wear earrings very often.

11. Do you have any tattoos?

No. I must admit, I don’t really get tattoos. I know some people on my flist have them and there are some very pretty designs, but I simply don’t understand the desire to have something etched permanently into your skin.

12. Do you like pain?

I’ve been in some degree of pain for most of my life, so no.

13. Do you like to shop?

No, I loathe it with a passion. Most of the time. About once every six months the mood will take me and I’ll shop like a demon for a couple of hours. And then it’ll get too crowded and I’ll get fed up and go home.

14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

My dinner on Wednesday night – which was a fish supper.

15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?

Petrol.

16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My assistant, Steve, when he called in sick this morning.

17. What is on your desktop background?

The best hug ever.

18. What is the background on your cell phone?

Whatever came as a default on the phone.

19. Do you like redheads?

I have no opinion about redheads in general. I try not to judge people on appearance.

If the question means, ‘Are you attracted to red hair as a physical feature?’, I’d have to say no. But if an otherwise nice guy had red hair it wouldn’t stop me having fun with him.

20. Do you know any twins?

Yes. And when Lowri introduced me to her sister I did the whole, “Wow, you two look really alike!” bit. Until she said, “Yeah, that’s because we’re identical twins.”

21. Do you have any weird relatives?

Yes, all of them.

22. What was the last movie you watched?

The last thing I saw at the pictures was Star Trek XI. The last film I watched on DVD was ... Star Trek XI. On TV ... *whispers* I may have watched Sister Act the other night.

Going Visible

2009-12-12T12:10:20Z

So I've been posting about disability a lot recently, and there's a reason for that.

As winter draws in the pain in my joints gets worse - my left hip was replaced 10 years ago and that's absolutely fine, but my right hip, right knee and left ankle all give me jip on a regular basis. I've been living on ibuprofen and paracetamol for the last few weeks, but they're already aggrivating my damaged digestive system (damaged from long term use of those self-same painkillers pre-hip replacement). Last week the temperature dropped dramatically and I spent a lot of time on my feet - as my job sometimes demands. My hip and my knee are still laupin'.

So on and off since last winter I've been debating with myself whether it's time to start using a walking stick again, and this week finally decided me. It's a good way of getting extra support when I need it, I wouldn't need any stronger drugs, and it's a signpost to other people that I'm going to be slower and need more space. It will mean that I no longer 'pass for normal', which means I'm going to get a lot of impertinent questions of the 'what happened to you?' variety, and probably a lot of unsolicited (and largely unhelpful) advice.

But I'm comfortable with this decision, and I've even found a website that sells some really cool funky sticks. I'm trying to decide between these two:

The Storm Grey Stick
The Ocean Blue Stick

But I also like these:

I could have one for every outfit.

So bearing this in mind I told a few friends they’d probably see me using a stick from time to time, and was going to ask them to help me choose one of the above. We never got that far.

Their reactions:
1. Does your doctor say you need one? (No, I've decided I need one – my doctor doesn’t live in my body.)
2. Can’t they give you stronger painkillers/inject steriods into your joints? (No, and I don’t want them to. All painkillers have side effects and I’m happier with a drug-free solution at this point in time.)
3. Have you tried this food supplement/elimination diet? (No, just because your health problems are food-related doesn’t mean mine are.)
4. My Gran used to have aching knees and someone told her to sleep with them wrapped in white cabbage leaves. She did and she was totally cured! *headdesk*

For me, taking the decision to use a stick was a positive step, but their automatic assumptions that this was a bad thing, and that I hadn't thought about alternatives and that I couldn't decide what was best for my own body really put a damper on my day.

So, can you help? Which of my funky sticks do you like?

Writer's Block: Destination anywhere

2009-12-08T22:06:21Z

If you were asked to recommend one destination in your country to LiveJournal friends who had never been to your country before, what place would you choose, and why?

Submitted By thereshedances

View 646 Answers

Most foreigners who think of going to Scotland automatically assume Edinburgh is where it's at, but I always recommend they go to Glasgow instead. Glasgow's had a renaissence in the last 25 years or so. Culturally it can rival anything Edinburgh has to offer - from music to theatre, art galleries to museums, architecture to parks and gardens - and the people are much friendlier. [I grew up near Glasgow, but lived in Edinburgh for 4 years, so I know whereof I speak.] Glasgow's also a great jumping-off point for visiting other parts of Scotland, like the Trossachs or the Western Isles.

Go to Glasgow; ye cannae whack it!

moved

2009-12-08T21:08:01Z

This simple story is about the most moving thing I've ever read about the experience of living with a disability. I know I feel this way every time I sit in the 'priority' seats on the train or the tube. I used to look guiltily over my shoulder on the few occasions I used a disabled parking space. I've endured the stares and the glares of people who assumed because I was young I couldn't be disabled, and I've been challenged to show my disability to a stranger in a car park. It's not often I'm moved to tears by something I read, but this did it for me.

[Excerpt]

The bus sighs to a stop, load of humanity seething inside.

A person with a cane walks on.

I tense.

I want to get up. I want to get up. I want to get up.

I want to stand so that this person can sit.

[...]

I cannot get up.

I cannot get up and I am consumed with guilt. It is filling my box, it is overflowing, I feel like everyone is staring at me and I am flushing and my heart is fluttering.

And the moment, it happens.

“Why don’t you get up, little lady,” someone says.

I stare at the floor. I stare at the box.

“I…can’t,” I say. “I’m sorry.”

If you've ever felt the desire to police someone's disability status, please bear in mind that this is how it feels to be on the receiving end.